If you are giving yourself pah-lenty of time to think and worry about the world or what’s going wrong in your life right now, this is for YOU.

I’d like to offer you a moment of reprieve and help you to notice a few things that may be, perhaps, possibly going well. I want to help you not just pay, but INVEST your attention to what is NEW and GOOD in your life, what is FRESH and freaky in your surroundings. There is no secret is supporting our mental health, it’s a practice.

Before you tune out, hear me out.

This is not about avoiding, bypassing, or downsizing. We need time and space for panic, rage, and grief.

This is about creating room for holding BOTH horror and pleasure. This practice is for everyone, but especially for you if you have a hard time noticing and feeling ANY pleasure or if you are better at knowing what you DON’T want rather than what you DO want.

Naming what is pleasurable, is indeed a PRACTICE and it is more important than ever. Rather than focusing SOLELY on the bad...which we often perceive through the lens of old trauma, making our very current events even more tricky, I invite you to gently play and explore and notice what is going well. If you can, taking a moment, to letting it sink in and CELEBRATE the small wins.

Okay, maybe, easier said than done.

I know how helpful it can be to take a little peek-a-boo into the life of someone else as a way to gather some reminders, support, and offerings to notice what is PLEASURABLE in our lives. That is why I share bi-monthly pleasure letters with my email babes.

These pleasure letters are my way of inviting you to take a look behind the scenes of my life, in the hopes that you find something that inspires and supports you.

Let pleasure be a sign-post for you to keep following what you WANT. Want. Want.

So, I invite you to pause.

If it's hard to access your body right now...try calling in a memory of safety and belonging. Allow yourself to soak in this memory. Where are you? What does it feel like? What are your senses aware of in this memory (smell, taste, touch, etc.)?

If you can’t recall a memory of safety, fantasize a reality where you do feel safe and belonging. Bring in as many details as you can into the scene!

If you do feel like you can access your body...

Take three deep breaths...deep into your belly.
Each inhale, allow your belly to expand. Imagine the breath going INTO the base of your belly.
Notice the ground beneath you. Notice whatever part of your body is touching the ground or the chair.
Try noticing the connection between you and the earth.
If it feels right to you, tune into the sense of belonging that you inherently have on this planet.

It’s okay if you can’t tune into it, but it still is fact. May you notice that you…

YOU BELONG.

YOU MATTER.

YOU ARE LOVED.

Great, now let’s battle for ourselves and notice what is new and good in our lives.

Here are small things that are bringing more pleasure and delight into my life:

1) Pelvic Floor Massage

Lately I have been getting back into regular pelvic floor massage. This is one of those examples where people think they need to be an expert, or perfect, or need someone’s guidance before they can start doing it.

But I’d say touching or pleasuring our pelvic floor, our genitals, our pussies, our penises, our in between and beyond, whatever we call them, is NOT one of those things.

We are allowed to touch ourselves.

It’s fucked up how somehow our world has convinced us not to touch ourselves. We know within our DNA how to touch ourselves. Unfortunately, It just gets blocked from different types of trauma.

But the wisdom is there.

SELF TOUCH can be so healing. It’s something that really helps with my pussy pain. And it doesn’t need to be erotic. In fact, offering myself pelvic floor massage - just massaging my vulva’s lips between my fingers, pressing and kneading the tips of my fingers into the areas around my vagina opening, anywhere there is soreness, just like any other kind of massage - has been so healing and is moving a lot of energy for me. I am feeling more alive, motivated, and excited about creating.

We have been brainwashed to think that we can't heal ourselves or that it's really expensive….or best yet (heavy sarcasm) that we are broken. Bah. fuck that. We aren't broken, and we are allowed to touch ourselves.

It makes me angry how my catholic upbringing made my vulva feel so distant to me. And how it has made me feel so dissociated from the lower half of my body, forgetting/ignoring that I have to pee or poop until my body is screaming at me.

So here is your reminder that you are allowed to touch yourself. You are allowed to experiment. You are allowed to open up your hips. Let the energy move. Let your body cry. And moan. And squeal and wiggle.

Magic, just might, happen.

If this feels just too far away from what feels right for you. I invite you to just imagine a time or place that felt soothing. That felt safe for self touch. Or imagine a fantasy world where self touch is available to you. Start there. Sometimes we just need baby steps. Wherever YOU are at, is enough. Just know that healing is possible.

2) Stepping into the Vulnerability of Leadership

On Instagram, I’ve recently been sharing more about my business knowledge so you can see I’m not a shiny perfect robot on a pedestal, but a messy human like everyone else. Sharing my skills feels like the kind of pleasure that lights my soul on fire.

If you are interested in stepping into more of leadership role and growing a business, this one is for you. If you are not in this place, and business tips may be overwhelming to you, feel free go to the next pleasure point.

I started this business way before I felt confident. It was terrifying. It still is.

Me teaching about business is scary.

Me starting a podcast freaks me out.

Just know, that feeling doesn’t go away.

I will say it again and again, being an entrepreneur is vulnerable as faack. But honestly, everyone is a leader.

You have to face your fears of messiness and people not liking you and it not being perfect.

You have to start before you feel confident. Start from a place of service and care rather than wanting to be liked and accepted.

To make a level of commitment like that. You need to be clear on your WHY. Why do you care. What is this doing for you. How is it enraging, but also FEEDING your soul’s fire.

Share your truth. Tell your story. You don’t have to make shit up and say what you think people want to hear. In fact, don’t do that. Just share the vulnerable reality. It’s really that simple.

When I say vulnerable, I mean, still from a place of service. Have you ever seen someone sharing vulnerably on facebook and you feel worried for them? There is NOTHING wrong with this, we all need help sometimes!It’s just not going to build a community where people trust you as a leader, they will be concerned for you.

On the flip side, when people share with this “go go go” mentality, of just “buy this. Do that. Here’s the answer.” With no vulnerability. It feels gross! You don’t feel connected to those humans at all. It’s like an annoying ad that pops before watching that youtube tutorial. I’ve first learned concept from Shashi Solluna.

Don’t worry about getting it “right.” Does this mean you need to tie things up with a pretty bow each time you share? F*ck no. There doesn’t always need to be a call to action. Your willingness to be messy IS the offering. Your truth will move people. Cry, scream, shake, growl. The right people will find ya.

3) Color Magic

I color coded my closet. Right now, wearing one color at a time is brining me joy and it has also helped me to be aware of so many colors around me.

While color coding, I also went through the process of touching my clothes, trying many of them on and really feeling their fabric and detail.

I recently shared this quote on IG and it makes me think about how buying new things right now is only offering me little moments of dopamine. I’ve noticed that appreciating what I already have, savoring it, organizing it, cleansing/curating has been really helpful.

It has also inspired me to try out new combinations and take cute selfies of myself as I dress up.

Celebrate what you already have. What you have right now. Our bodies are always changing. Like the flowers, our bodies are always changing and it brings joy to pay attention to that process as it happens.

4) Ephemeral Flowers

I realized my pull from capitalism to buy. Spend. NEVER FEEL ENOUGH. And then I thought back to that quote: I could own all of the clothing in the world and it wouldn’t take the grief weighing on my heart.

cyclicalflowers_cyclesofhumans_mentalhealth

One thing that is both helping me tune into my grief and that is new and good is noticing all of the flowers. But not just noticing the flowers. Noticing their EPHEMERAL nature. How short lived some of these blossoms are. They only come once a year. They are steady, and cyclical.

The ephemeral nature of them. What a beautiful sadness. Watching things BLOOM to just then wither. It's helpful for me to really pay attention to them. On my neighborhood walks I have started paying attention to what is blooming and what is dying.

I know there are many powerful quotes about this, but they don't mean a thing if we don't pay attention.

Here's your invitation to pay attention to the plants around you. Indoor. Outdoor.

By doing this, I feel way more in touch with the plants, remembering that they are my friends.

Also, I have been paying more attention and care to all of my indoor plant babies, checking new growth and how dry the soil is. I have even been setting a bi-weekly calendar to water them and give them care. When quarantined, I repotted a bunch of them and they are thriving. Now it’s soothing to have a reminder to devote time for them. I have 53 indoor plants! I am appreciating how much of a nurturer I am and how they nurture me right back.

Here’s a journal prompt, if you feel up for it: What is growing in your life? What is withering?
What do you need to release? What do you need to nurture?

5) Healing Sex

I had really amazing sex the other night, thanks to a patient partner and powerful vibrators. It all started off with a massage exchange, which is something I would recommend to any lovers or friends in co-quarantine.

Because I haven’t had huge desire for sex lately, with all of the stress and changes in my life, I don’t want to feel the pressure of needing to have sex. However, I know that when we do have sex, it often feels really good and connective and healing (if that feeling stops, we stop).

So what we have been doing is just giving massages to each other without any expectation or pressure of it becoming more erotic. Sometimes I still don't want my genitals touched. For some, this touch could already count as sex in itself. There are so many definitions of sex. It doesn't need to end or begin in genital touching, penetration, or end in peak orgasms.

What has felt safe and supportive is setting a timer and just asking for what type of touch we feel open to receiving and giving and starting there with NO expectations. Possible desires, but no expectations.

Journal Prompt: If you were to receive touch right now, what kind of touch would you like? What pressure? What sensations? What areas of your body? Who would you want to touch you even though that may not be available? (This can be a fantasy person or entity!)

7) Engaging the Senses

One thing that really helps me with anxiety is to focus on anything that engages my senses.

I eat heavy, grounding food like sweet potatoes and lentils, and really try to dig into the texture, the way it feels in my mouth, if it is hot or cold, if I can smell it before tasting it.

And when I am not eating and I need some soothing, I try to notice three objects around the room that I feel drawn to. What is it about them that appeals to me? Is it the shape, the light on its surface, or the texture?

Another powerful thing is to engage our sense of smell. Light some incense. Dab a little bit of essential oils in your hair and massage into your scalp. Drop some scent into warm water and let it diffuse into the air, or spritz yourself with it.

Engaging our senses helps us return to the present and feel the present as real, rather than getting hooked in our worries of the future, or of the past.

Which brings me to…

If reading this post felt inspiring and/or supportive and you would like more reminders and ideas for ways that you can check in with what feels new and good in your life, however small, you can join my pleasure letter. I will keep checking in on you. Reminding you to notice what can be pleasurable. What is working in your life and how to keep following it. How to feel and how to not put up with bullshit. Will it always be easy? Of course not. We’ve got this. I believe in you. I believe in us.

With big, fierce love,

One Mental Health Tip That Has Changed My Life